well I can't set my house on fire every night
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You are a genius and a whore.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
