My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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