that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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