You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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