I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
