i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
