You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
this is an emotional support booty call
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
