There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
