Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
