used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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