I must be too annoying 4 u.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
