i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
