Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
