There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
