I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
