got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
