we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You may now shotgun with the bride
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
