I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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