Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
