There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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