once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
