Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
