anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
