you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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