Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
