I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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