i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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