the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
