the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
