I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
