Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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