I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
