So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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