Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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