So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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