They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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