i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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