Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
dude. I can hear the air.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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