i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
