this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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