i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The uberlube is also flammable
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Randomize
