she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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