If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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