How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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