and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
