...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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