All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
