If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
