Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
