my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
