Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
